I am like you in that I struggle with schedules and budgets all the time. I am juggling these things for the first time as a widow. I have learned though that when I am mired down and things are not working the way I want, that I get to decide. Decisions have never been easy for me because I see all sides and pros and cons. I tell myself to jump in and just choose and if it does not work out, then I will readjust. I will no longer be stuck on the sidelines of life. I know from widows that I have shared with, that we can often be in a holding pattern, not only, not able to choose but unable to even see the choices. We can see through the fog eventually and start changing things to have a better outlook for the future.
I still own the grief and sadness of missing my husband constantly but I push myself to get up and do something about it. I have been part of grief support groups where we cry and grief social groups where we go, see and do. I have read books about pulling yourself together and managing your money as a widow. I have read books telling me I can be sad for as long I want and organization books to manage life as a widow. You know what I don’t see is anything about how to live a positive life after loss. How do we do it? Whether we are ready for it or not time marches forward. I don’t want to lose another minute.
Things I do know include that I want more time to travel and more time to quietly read. I want to make a difference in other people’s lives because I have always taught my children that is why we are here on this earth. I saw a documentary a brief time ago called “Happiness”. Apparently, they had done studies and helping others was the one thing happy people had in common.
Recommendations for helping with choices:
1. Gain clarity: Brainstorm all your ideas and write them done of what you would like to include in your life now and in the future
2. Set goals: Decide how you are going to get there from #1 based on your wants and desires. Maybe there is even a new dream for your future
3. Choose: Decide what you are going to start with to get you there to your goal or dream life.
I know I am not going to “get over” or “move on” or “get through my grief” so I must live life anyway with my grief in tow. My grief is only part of me not all of me. I am figuring out who I am again somewhat like a teenager. I just need to have better judgement than a teenager. Ha, ha! But seriously, our spouse’s life is not the only life here that matters. That doe not mean I love him any less. My life matters. I matter. You matter. So, let’s get working on living like we matter.
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