I woke up this morning pondering what a psychologist friend of mine recently told me, “We have complete 100% control of our actions in this world”. This made me examine how there are parts of my life I chose and others that just evolve. I’m still pondering this statement and I realize I am different because some things I made definite decisions about, but then there are just things over time that have become part of me. I do things differently. I think differently. Somethings are no longer out of the ordinary but now routine. For example, I no longer shop at Grocery store A with sometimes Grocery store B, but after Grocery store B for 2 months straight. I can say I shop at grocery store B. That’s who I am now. I know this is small but it made me realize how many things are just different because they just are.
Maybe it’s the control freak in me but life doesn’t feel like I have complete control. Intellectually I know I cannot control everything around me but I can control me. Are we deliberate in our choices? I know that after my husband died I have felt deliberate and decisive. Some of my choices are easy and some are very hard. Sitting outside on my steps and looking at these clouds, I think about the clear choices and the darker ones. These are a few things I’ve learned about choices. I hope these reflections help you make your choices.
1. Do we confuse the darkness of loneliness with smaller needs like boredom?
I was feeling quite down lately, then I realized I had being working a lot. I thought maybe I’m just entertainment starved so I made a chose to do fun things on a whim. It totally changed my outlook. It’s weird that we must discern this on our own now instead of bouncing it off our significant other.
2. We are always making choices big or small.
Things are changing in our lives all the time. You can ride the waves or be the lifeguard. We are evolving through the choices we make whether we notice or not. Live deliberately. Have a plan. Set your goals
3. We are new because we no longer live in the past.
We don’t live in the past and we can look at this as opportunity with resolve or wade in lost possibilities. Maybe something better than we could have ever imagined is around the corner. We build forward with every choice. Try to be clear and thoughtful about what you want in your life and who you want to be.
Choices can be scary and wildly exciting when we carve our own path. Choices matter. I am exploring some new possibilities that I would have never seen if not for the terrible loss in my life. I’m grateful for the love I had with my husband and I am grateful I am still here. Something I would not have said a few months ago, before now. I hope these reflections help and you can spend some time pondering your choices.